wanted; small thing, preferably not bad

so all this stuff happened, and refracted and started to grow and recede, followed by more growth. so i poured petrol and pineapple juice on it and it blinked and glowed.
a small sharp sun burned a whole in the pocket I had been building.
my cheeks were warm and when I stood in the dark at the top of my stairs my heart beat through me and I felt warm and alone.

so then these other things happened, in succession, seemingly chronologically, inside and perpendicular to triangles and I felt things and looked at them and felt them.
this was followed by a chase and retreat of something I don’t really know, that has a face.
then with my eyes wide open but not seeing very well someone put something dense in my overly open hands.

i turned it over and over, it was complicated and unfamiliar.

i didnt want it, but wanted to accept it was or wasnt something.

then I washed a coffee cup with salt, on my own and sat on the floor in a bar, when no one was there, my legs were very straight.
later I was confused, because things are different, different to me and I had forgotten that.
earlier i built a house in a small valley i dug and stood on top of it looking at things that I imagined could be there, but then later I fell off and was sat on by a thing with no face.
then I remembered I had enjoyed building the house, but it wasn’t mine.

then something exciting happened and I thought of all the things I could do with everything.
then I talked to people, people are good at talking, some people.
then I poured lemonade on the snow. earlier i ate snow shapes with a girl and it tasted like perfume because i carried her bag.

then I thought about the future and what I should do.
at the start I smoked a cigarette and looked at things I hadn’t seen before.

then richard looked at me.

when i leave i will smoke a cigarette.